Holy Crap, It Worked
Mon problème
I splashed the tiniest splash of hard cider from a bottle I almost knocked over but grabbed at the last moment. The laptop seemed fine... until about 12 hours later, when it ran out of battery. Dead, dead.
Ma solution
I got the clue it might be the MagSafe board from a few blog posts here and there, I took the whole thing apart using ifixit.com's excellent slideshow how-tos; I gave every bit of the circuit boards a toothbrush bath in rubbing alcohol; I swapped out the MagSafe board... it's alive! Probably saved me $600. And while I was swapping the drives between this and my older laptop, I accidentally fixed that one's overheating problem! (I'll be ordering a new internal AirPort card soon). Thanks, IFIXIT! I fixed it!
Mon conseil
Always use a sippy cup. Always.
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